The Little Lad by Mac Huxley
The Little Lad by Maccabee Huxley
There once was a little lad. He was called, "Little Lad." For he was little, and he, was a lad.
Every time he walked into town, people would say, "Hey Little Lad." He would cheerfully smile back, wave, and reply with, "Hello."
When he would walk, people would exclaim, "Walk Little Lad!"
When he would run, people would shout, "Run Little Lad!"
When he would shit, people would cheer, "Shit Little Lad!"
Then, one morning he was given a plate of spinach for breakfast. His mother said, "Eat up Little Lad."
The following morning he awoke, but he now grew to a relatively normal sized lad. He was no longer a "Little Lad." He walked into town that day, but no one recognized him. He went up to the townsfolk and said "Hey. It's me, Little Lad."
The people looked at him puzzled, they stroked their chin and said "Hmmmm....well you are kind of a lad, but you are not little. Maybe you are just a regular sized lad, but you are definitely not Little Lad!"
Little Lad was sad, because even though he grew, he now was no longer unique. He became like the rest of the lads of the town. No one recognized him anymore. So he decided to take drastic measures. He grabbed his father's chainsaw and revved it up. He then proceeded to chop off his legs at the knees. He shrieked in agony from the immense pain. "Ahhh!!! My legs!"
His mother ran from out of the house to find Little Lad laying in a puddle of his own blood. She shouted "Oh no!!!!" She then took a spoon and dipped the spoon into the blood. She tasted the blood and said "Hmmm salty, bloody, with a subtle taste of spinach....wow this is Little Lad!" She grabbed him and ran to the nearest hospital.
After the doctor stitched Little Lad's legs up and cleaned him up, he asked him, "What were you thinking?"
Little Lad replied, "I was just trying to be a Little Lad again."
The doctor said, "Why didn't you just ask your doctor like the prescription pill commercial said. Did you not see the commercial for the prescription pill that transforms you into a Little Lad again?"
Little Lad befuddled, mainly due to massive blood loss, responded, "No sir, I did not see the commercial."
The doctor then said, "Hmmm...I see. Well let me prescribe you some glasses because your eyes seem to be the problem here."
Little Lad was then given glasses and when he went into town in his new glasses one of the shopkeepers said, "Wow. Cool spectacles."
Little Lad elated, jumped with glee and said "Thaaaaaaaankkkk you!" He then landed on his recovering legs, his stitches broke open, his legs shattered at the knees and he bled profusely.
The shopkeeper strolled over and snatched Little Lad's glasses off his face. He then put the glasses on his face and found the nearest mirror to see how they looked. He then said, "Perfect, I needed new spectacles..... and these here spectacles are coooooool."
Meanwhile, Little Lad, still laying on the ground unconscious, drowned in his own blood, blind and without legs.